Magnolia Mom

So while at K-mart shopping for a birthday gift for a classmate of Monkey’s…We’ve picked out the gift just had to get her a card since he instisted on it! Here’s the conversation that took place:

Monkey: Mom, I gotta fart. Where can we go so I can do it?
Me: We’re almost done here, so just squeeze your butt cheeks together.
Monkey: Mom, I don’t know how to do that.
Me: Just squeeze.
Monkey: I can’t
Me: Ok, well then just let it go, no one is around.
Monkey: But I don’t want anyone to hear it.
Me: No one’s around. Just do it so we can go.
[Long pause........]
Monkey: Mom, I gotta poop!
Me: {rolling eyes} Let’s go potty then!

After doing his business,
Monkey: I just went ahead and farted while I was there, Mom.
Me: Good idea!

Popularity: 4% [?]

— This evening around 7:40 I was able to get away and go to the grocery store! Pretty sad, when I’m excited about going to Wal-Mart. Nothing out of the ordinary, just a normal trip for groceries. I went through the self-check out, as I always do. I rang up my 50 items or so and paid. Then, as I got ready to pull my buggy away, I realized I didn’t ring up the items in the top part of the cart. Since there was a line waiting behind me, I wasn’t able to just ring up the items. I had to get back at the end of a long line and ring up the 2 loaves of bread, hot dog buns, grapes, bananas, and pickles! All at the cost of $12.76!

— Today Monkey and I were watching TV and this commercial came on:

He wanted to know how you can fly with oatmeal.

— Did you know Monkey loves to eat hot dog buns plain? He can put down half a pack of buns in one sitting! The boy loves bread, much like his great grandfather.

Popularity: 4% [?]

On the way to playgroup the other day, this was the conversation that ensued:

MB: Mom, I know babies come out of their mom’s tummies, but how do they get out?
Me: (*Thinking* Oh geez. Why is he asking me this?!) Mommies have to push them out really hard.
MB: How?
Me: With lots of determination and they have to be strong.
MB: But how do they come out?
Me: (*Thinking* uhhh, how can I get around not saying where babies come out? Just not wanting to get into all that while driving down the road.) Mommies just have to push like they’re trying to poop and it hurts real bad.
MB: Good thing we’re not having any more babies, huh?
Me: *Laughing*

Popularity: 1% [?]

On the way to Atlanta tonight, from the 4 year olds:

Monkey Boy: Mom, squirrels climb trees.
Monkey Boy: Do squirrels pee?
Me: Yes, all animals pee.
Monkey Boy: Do dogs pee?
Me: Yes, ALL animals pee!
Monkey Boy: Do bears pee?
Me: Yes, ALL animals pee!
Monkey Boy: Do bears pooh?
Me: Yes, ALL animals pee and poop!
The conversation continued on and on! It started off really funny, but it got old after awhile.

Popularity: 1% [?]

“Mom, when you say pokus pokus a coin will pop out of your ear! Say it Momma! Say pokus hokus!”

Popularity: 1% [?]

9 year old: Mom, I’m getting more popular since I’m hanging out with Parker.

Gosh I remember when he didn’t know what popular meant.

Popularity: unranked [?]

“I think I’m growing hair in my armpits (big grin)!”

Popularity: 1% [?]

TV Boy and I were headed to Hobby Lobby this evening to get stuff for his Pinewood Derby car. All of a sudden it wreaked of 9 year old gas!
Him: *sniff-sniff-sniff*, What’s that smell?
Me: *Chuckle, while rolling down the windows* You-woo farted. I’ll do what my dad used to do and we can play freeze out. Roll down on the windows when it’s freezing out. Gah! That stinks.
Him: *in a squatting position* I can’t help it. I got the farts.
Me: Squeeze your butt cheeks together when you fart. Helps it not smell so bad. That’s what I do.
Him: You fart?
Me: Oh, not anymore. Ever since I had you and Monkey Boy I don’t fart anymore. That’s why Moms don’t fart.
Him: Really?
Me: Really!
A few minutes later, we were listening to a CD and A Message in a Bottle came on.
Him: What’s this song say? Message in my Bottom? That’s doesn’t make any sense!

Popularity: unranked [?]

“Mom, your foot is squooshy.”

Popularity: 1% [?]

One night Mr. Mag and I were deciding what to eat. He suggested that we get something from Subway. TV Boy replied by saying, “Eat fresh!” Mr. Mag and I looked at each other and cracked up.

tags: subway, kids say the funniest things

Popularity: unranked [?]